On Turning 29

Yesterday I turned 29 years old and I am not sure how I feel about things. I mean I have started a new gig these past few weeks and I know that will work out. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. I am sorry about the lack of entries, it’s not like I don’t have any good ideas, I just don’t have the time like I used too. I work a dreadful(though I am so happy to have) shift that is too early to really do anything and I finish too late to do anything. I mean granted I probably could get up early and find a coffee shop that is near my place and write and blog there, but I feel tired. I could also try to do it after work as well, but fuck I am tired after being on my feet and dealing with people for about 9 hours a day. It’s a no win. I will try and write when I get home, but by that time my eyes and head hurt from starring at a monitor for so long. This never used to happen to me but I guess I am getting older.

This was one of the more quieter birthdays of recent memory I must say. I usually try and have a party or a delicious dinner but I kind of lost my fire for those kinds of things I guess back in 2009. In 2004 and 2005 I had a good party. In 2004 I had a big joint party with another friend*. In 2005 I Went to a junky Korean restaurant( although at that time I thought it was decent for reasons that have been lost in time), and afterwards my friends and I went to drink and we had a good time. Later that weekend my father and brother and I went to watch “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” In 2006 I didn’t do much I reckon. I didn’t have much money. I guess my birthdays haven’t really been all that grand. Usually just dinner and a little bit of drinking. 2007 and 2008 were not bad years I guess**.

Do I feel weird about getting older? Not really. I just feel like I want more to life. I am glad to be alive and I am noticing I am have patience for a lot of things but a lot of impatience for a great many things as well. Let us start with the impatience aspect. I am impatient when it comes to meeting new women. I guess I had some more patience when I was younger. I had the time to slowly get to know someone, but it seems these days I lack that patience. I do not mean that all I want to do is meet some woman and fuck her as soon as I see her. That part, I have more patience now, then before.

I am impatient when it comes to intentions. I want to get married and have kids. I am approaching 30 and I want to have kids sooner rather then later. I do not want to have a baby at fucking 38 years old and be almost 60 when those kids go to college. If I have a kid next year then I will be only close to fifty and that I can live with. I have a few friends who’s parents are in their 60s and they are my age. Fuck that shit man. I have one friend, a guy friend, who’s dad fought in Vietnam. Jesus fucking Christ. That is something that I don’t want to have,

What I don’t like and what a lot of women do is that say you meet a new person. You as the male think everything is going good. You ask the girl out to dinner and hang out. Everything is going well. You pay for dinner. You repeat and maybe you do an activity. Still on your dime though, and say after about 4 dates, then this person says “Dude let’s be friends” I don’t mind that. I don’t mind meeting a new girl and her telling me up front that all she wants is to be friends. What fucking chafes my fucking skin is the fact that she allowed me to think that I was getting somewhere and she got four fucking free meals from me. I just wish they were up front. If they were then I would handle things differently. I just wish women would tell me things up front rather then after I have spent money on them.

I also have impatience for bullshit. My bullshit meter is much stronger then it was when I was younger and I thank age and experience for that. I can size up people really fast now and I can tell people who are smart or dumb or just plainly full of shit. I get tired of meeting people who are supposedly really smart and when they start saying things my eyes become small and my rage begins.

I have noticed this when people talk to me about movies, movie collecting, printing and writing. I am not smart in many things, but I do know a lot about movies and movie collecting and printing. I just feel all mad when ever I encounter a person like this.

I feel impatient when it comes to buying things as well. Mostly movies or books. It’s like I have to buy it now. I guess I became this way once I seriously started using plastic to buy all of my shit. Before I was strictly only used cash. I mean it took me many years to surpass my 250 mark of collecting DVDs. Now that I have blu ray I am at 100 blu rays and I have been collecting them since December. At this rate I will surpass my DVD collection by the summer.

In terms of patience I am much more patient when it comes to working. I do not anger as easily when I would get stressed out like I used too. I am not insane about pussy like I used to be. Granted I love that shit and when I am at it, I am crazy but I do not pick up every fucking oriental that passes my way. I look but I am a fucking human. I am patient when it comes responsibility. Granted I buy a lot of things, but I always take the time to figure out bills first, then everything else later. I make more money now, so I can buy a lot of blu rays, but I also hardly ever buy clothes or drink booze much. I spend my money on 3 things; bills, blu rays and women. I don’t go out often so I mostly movies and bills.

29 is going to be a good year. The odd numbered years tend to be good years. In terms of age and time the odd and numbered years rock. I don’t know why, With the exception of 2001 most odd numbered years have been great. Although 2011 was a bit dodgy

*In 2004 I had a joint party with my friends from South Korea. One guy, my friend(who I talked about in the 9/16/2011 entry)'s boyfriend and I had a party together. It was fun, because another girl whom I was crushing on helped me plan it, but at the same time it kind of sucked. I had to see my friend and her boyfriend kiss. When he was drunk they kissed with tounges. That was not pleasant.

**In 2007 I took my ex, her mom and my dad to see a Korean movie called "200lb Beauty" and then we had dinner at a joint called "Hanuru" great Korean food. In 2008 i took my dad, my ex and my brother to have Korean dinner at the same place. I was moneybags during that time.

What Makes Me Happy: A Few Thoughts

I have touched up on the illusions of happiness. I have a whole entry dedicated to the fact that ignorance is truly bliss and that it is better to live life without the horrible truths of reality. It is better in the sense that it will make us feel good about ourselves. I have not written a blog entry in a whole week. This is due to the fact that I started a new job and this job is rather taxing on me physically and so by the time I made it home I was dog tired. I felt tired physically to the point of falling asleep while watching my favorite shows. I guess I was not prepared for the mental toll it was going to be. I have had jobs that were a lot more stressful, but the balancing act was the pay and there are two things in this life that motivate people and that is pussy and money.

I am sorry I went on a little rant there. I want to discuss what makes me happy. Not the illusions of happiness, but what makes me happy. There are a few things in this world that make me happy. I will talk about the things that make me happy and the things that I think make me happy, but in reality there are some things that don’t make me happy.

Shopping make me happy. I have to clarify exactly. I love shopping for movies. I mean blu rays and of course DVDs. I like finding great deals, I like buying a lot at a time and I love the feeling I get when I purchase a blu ray. I t makes me feel alive and I don’t know what that is. I mean I have to buy clothes, or food or alcohol but it does not give me the same sort of high. It could be because a movie is something that is tangible. I can hold it and watch it over and over again, but clothes are used everyday. A lot of women love to buy shoes or clothes or jewelry but I do not. I sometimes I feel all sick about it when I have to waste money on clothes. I am one of the few people who love hand me down clothes and shoes. I hate used movies, but used clothes is fine by me.

The Office makes me happy. Not my work, but the TV show The Office. I like to watch Michael and Dwight, Pam and Jim, Kelly Kapoor and Angela, all are such cool characters that make me laugh and make me forget about the bullshit that is life. I have been hooked on this show and I cannot get enough of it. I mean it is like real life. I have never been in the super office situation in terms of work, but I am close in the sense that some of the same bullshit that gets pulled there also has happened in my life. It is just a great show.

Women are supposed to be true happiness for every guy. I love ladies. They are wonderful. They smell nice, act sweet, can be so cute and wonderful and their bodies are things of perfection. This is a true statement. Women are perfect, want to know how I know this. Think of the girl you love, she is perfect in every sense that you love so by that way of thinking, then all women are perfect, each and every woman out there has someone who adores them.

Anyways, I have my goddess in my life as well, but do women as a whole really make me happy? I don’t think so. I think they cause me more problems then they actually solve. Women are crafty, irresponsible, flakey, demanding, ornery all these things*. I know a few girls who would not skip a beat when it comes to cancelling a get together appointment a few minutes before we are supposed to meet up. Women are not very nice creatures.

I have had two great loves in my life and they were back to back and they both were of the same race. Although one was more then the other and they were both made me the happiest guy on earth and made me feel lower then shit. I am a cool and collected person for the most part but inside I can be all neurotic and feel all crazy about my insecurities. My first great love was quirky and odd and our bullshit emotions meshed well. The girl after that was not as quirky but was mean and honest, but that honesty also meant immense loyalty to me and that is one of the reasons why I loved her so hard. I have noticed a lot of times bitchy women are loyal to the guy whom they can be mean too. I guess the way they see it is that if a guy is willing to put up with her bitchiness he will put up with anything.

Food is another so called happiness subject in my life. I love food, and I think in the past I may have loved food a bit too much, but I don’t to eat. Sometimes I feel guilty after eating. I am a heavy guy and food is a tough thing to control. I mean it is not like I can quit food like I can quit on drugs or smoking. You don’t need drugs or smoking to live, but food is a constant animal that needs to be, fed every 5 hours or so or I start to feel all fucked up and cranky. I wish there was a real pill that provided my body with nutrients but that didn’t require me to eat. That is a pipe dream I suppose.

Those are a few of things that make me happy and some of the things that are supposed to make me happy. I guess the illusion of happiness is something that I cannot run away from. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you are well.

* I am not trying to sound like I hate women, because men are the exactly the same way. However since I love women and I only go out with women, I had to say what I had to say. Men are shit and women are shit. Remember if a female dog is a bitch then is a female cat a cunt?

Ode to the United States of America

The following might be an odd topic for a lot of you. Given my style for yelling and screaming and writing topics that deal with hate and love, and things of that nature, I thought a change of pace for the day might be a good thing. I want to talk about America, well the United States of America. I feel that the United States of America is the greatest county in the world. Yes, our economy sucks, yes unemployment is through the roof, we are not the best in education, we don’t produce things like we used to, we are fat but that does not matter. We have something that most countries don’t. That things is called opportunity.

I mean just think about it. This place is an immigrants wet fucking dream. It’s no wonder that so many people wanted to come here. I mean try finding a fucking job in another country. There are so many hoops and boundaries that one has to get past just to get a sub par job outside the United States. It is damn near impossible.

If you come to the United States you can find work. It might be shitty work, but you find work. You can find work and save money. You save enough money to maybe eventually start your business, from this you can pass it down to your children and you have made a legacy. This is why so many Hispanic and Asian families are so successful.

The reason why the United States is so great is because anyone can make a name for themselves. The immigrants come to this country and break their backs for their whole lives and they reap the rewards. I think if one is pushed back against the wall then they can make it. They can do the jobs that people don’t like doing. These hard working people know that they will get their just rewards.

I think this is why America is awesome.

Fear: A Few Things That Scare Me

Since today is All Hallows Eve, or better known as Halloween I thought I ought to write about something scary. I did delve into horror genre briefly many a moons ago with the entry that I wrote called “Hangover Sunday: The School Theater”. That was a spooky tale that has been told many, many times within my family. I guess I ought to write about something scary and I will. It will not be a narrative but still it is a spooky subject, maybe taboo. I am thinking about doing a group of things that happen to us a lot but can be a bit scary to face. With that somewhat lost and disjointed intro, I believe it is time for us to begin. I think the best thing for you to do is take my hand, for I shall lead you the way. Hold on tight and remember no matter what happens I will be here.

One of the scariest things that can happen to us is when someone from our past comes back into our lives. You might be asking yourself, “Fuck, that isn’t scary, what are you talking about?”. My friend this can be scary. First let us realize that people who disappear out of our lives is because of some sort of emotional falling out. I know there are many reasons for people that come in and out of your life, but lets say you are living your life and minding your own business, when you either get a text message or an email and if they’re ballsy a phone call.

Normally I think this is a good thing. I mean getting a call from the past can sometimes be a good thing, but let’s forget about the people that call or message out of the blue because they are trying to reconnect with you. Let’s leave those people alone and let us focus on the friends lovers who have hurt us emotionally and then left our lives. Those are the ones that are truly, and I mean truly spooky to get a call from. It is spooky to get a call from the person who you dumped, but it is 100 times more scary to get a call or message from the one who dumped you.

The reason it is scary is because it is an emotional rollercoaster. If it was a truly bad break up with a ton of emotional baggage and you are the person who caused these emotions then it is spooky, but you still have just about complete control of the situation. I mean if you dumped this person and you called them and spoke to them, then I would bet that 75% of the time then the conversation will be civil. I mean there probably will be an air or undertone of anger from the person whom you speaking too. You will probably get a few minutes of good conversation and before you know the person will be screaming and yelling about this or that..

The reason why the person who got dumped conversation digresses is because as much as people say they are over the person who dumped them, they are probably not. Do people really get over another person after a break up? I mean I have known people who have been broken up for years and whenever a certain persons’ name is mentioned they get all angry and emotional. Even I am guilty of this. I mean I say I am over people emotionally, but whenever certain names are mentioned even in passing it always causes a stir of emotions that causes me to feel something. I have learned to control these emotions really well, but sometimes it still does sting.

Getting a call from a past relationship is scary because you are basically playing with wet and old dynamite. You never know when things will explode.

While we are on the subject of calls and messages, I think another scary thing that deals with the same kind of emotions is when you get a call or message out of the blue from someone you hadn’t spoken to in a long while. This person may have been out of your life because of circumstance and this person may not register to you emotionally like I mentioned about former lovers, but you get a call nevertheless. At first you may be happy to hear from this person and for a while it might be cool to hear from them, You converse about what is new in he or she’s life and you feel good about things. Then comes the pause or if the person is truly clever he or she calls every few days to try and get a friendship back in motion before they ask you for something. It is usually either money or a favor.

This really fucking pisses me off. I just went through this twice in the last month or so, The first time this happened to was with a dude that wasn’t even my fucking friend. I met him at a temp job, we talked about this and that. He asked for my number and about a week later he sends me a message about getting together because he had something to ask me. That’s when my eyes became small and I fucking knew it. I knew he was trying to ask me for money. I told him I would call him back. I never did and that is how that fool disappeared out of my life. It was good what I did. I mean if I had the means I would have helped him, but that’s not right. I still would not have helped him. That fool had some real fucking balls to ask for money.

The second time this happened, was when I had gotten an email from my ex. My most recent ex. I had thought that maybe we could rekindle whatever we had and I thought she was actually glad we were talking again. We talked every day for four days and I thought things were looking on the up and up with us, but then we were talking and talking deeply and that’s when she hit me with it. She wanted some cash for some bullshit.

Once again my eyes got small and I saw red. I feel like a fucking idiot. I had thought that maybe there would be a chance between us again. I could forgive the getting dumped, but, fuck she hit me with a ton of bricks. I couldn’t believe the fucking nerve that she had to ask me for cash. I told her “no”. I wished her a good life and god speed, but in a really polite way I basically told her to fuck off.

Why do people do this? I know people are selfish, but why do people only contact you when they need something. I don’t mind being used. Most of the time I can see when people are using me. I go with the flow of things with the person who is using me. I am not a pushover. When a woman uses me, for cash or help or whatever I let her. I get my needs met as well. It may sound sick and twisted but if I know a girl is using me for my money or help or status, then I get to have her body. Fair trade, don’t you think?

The funny thing about fear is that I don’t really fear the physical. I guess my only real fear is the dark and surprises. The dark is because I think my imagination runs wild. When I am in the dark, I am not scared of ghosts or aliens or any of that horse shit. I am more fearful of someone waiting for me in the dark. I don’t fear death, or loneliness, but I do fear home invasion. I have seen “Straw Dogs”, “A Clockwork Orange” and “Panic Room” and too me those kinds of stories are so fucking scary that it makes me not be able to breathe.

I am not too scared if I am alone, I mean what is the worse that could happen if someone breaks into my place? The only thing they could do is either rob me, rape me or kill me. Any of those three one can get over. If I am robbed, then I will get new things, if I am raped, I will find help, if I am killed, then what the fuck to I have to worry about? If I have a girlfriend or a wife and they get raped or killed in a home invasion and I survived then I think that is the scariest part especially if she got raped. I mean will I still love her? Would we still be able to stay together? Will she kill herself? Will I be turned on by the violation? I know it sounds very selfish, but my emotional state after that would drive me insane.

I know I have listed 3 different fears. 2 of the fears are relatively the same thing, well not really. They are at least in the same ball park, and definitely the same sport while the 3rd fear is just as scary. These are just thoughts and I hope you enjoyed a brief journey into what truly scares me. I know some of the fears may seem odd to you, but this is how I feel.

I hope you have a safe Halloween. Remember to scare your kids. Fear is a good thing. Fear controls and protects. Tell your kids to fear people, not bullshit like ghosts and goblins. I hope you are well my friend. You can let go of my hand now.

Messy Thoughts: On Depression, Friendship and Getting Old.

A week and half or so ago I wrote an entry called “Friendship Vol. 1: Friends of the Same Sex”, in it I talked about the aspects of having friends of the same sex. I know friendships with people of the same sex are usually pretty simple, but in that entry I took a long and hard look at it and I think I took it pretty far. In this entry I want to talk about another aspect of friendships. I know that the natural direction that I should follow is the friendships between men and women, but writing about friendships of different genders can be long and complicated and I am not up for it. I do however have another topic that deals with friendship and another aspect of it. I think an interesting topic can be when friendship fades. This applies to both friendship of the same sex and of the mixed genders.

The crummy thing about friendships is that sometimes when they are fading out they can be long and drawn out. I mean how does one break up with a friend? I touched lightly on this subject on my previous entry but I think it deserves more detail. I think when friendship fades it is a shitty feeling. I am not talking about when friendship fades because of some bullshit like a fight or whatever, I am talking about when friendship fades for really no real reason.

This has always been an odd thing to me. I mean I am kind of going through it right now. I mentioned the loss of my friendship with my buddy, but I can also see the end of a friendship with a female. I can tell this is happening because my so called friend has no time for me and this has kind of hurt me. I mean I did a lot for this person and I really have a good time with this person and it always seems to me that this person is having a good time, so I don’t understand why my friendship with this person is fading.

Maybe it is me. Maybe it is me who is boring, or not interesting to this person. I feel sad for this fading friendship, but what disturbs me more is I don’t know why it is fading. Am I boring? Am I ugly or whatever. I just wish people can be truly honest with me and I wish this fucking girl would tell me why she seems to never have time to do anything. I mean I took her out, and we seem to have gelled and then all of sudden she became a busy bee. Yet this same busy bee has all kinds of time to shop and do whatever bullshit that she does.

I sound angry and to be quite honest I am very angry. I mean I was once a very popular person when it came to making friends but now it seems that I have such a hard time and I cannot understand where my fucking mojo went. I used to be able to woo people with my bullshit and people used to fucking eat it and they smiled and all had a good time. These days though I try my very best to be a good friend who is caring and thoughtful but it never goes no where.

Maybe my bullshit is getting old. I am getting old and maybe my life style or just style is old. These past few weeks I have really been feeling old and out of sorts. I feel used and tired and I don’t know why. I think I am depressed and I feel I need some sort of anti-depressant*.

The funny thing is that I feel depressed yet I don’t want to drink or do drugs, but I do like going to the movies. I have gone to the movies more in 2011 then I ever have in my life. I mean just today(10/29/2011) I saw 3 movies in one day at the movie theater. I only paid 6 bucks, well 12 since I went with my brother, but 12 dollars for 3 movies is a hell of a deal.

I am just feeling all weird and I wish that this feeling would just go away. Originally this was going to be a part 2 to my friendship entry but it just turned to shit. I hope you enjoyed this and next time, more then likely tomorrow, I will get back to my topical entries. I am just feeling sad and I hope I didn’t bring you down with my emotional bullshit. Have a good day!

*I would love to take anti-depressants but one of the biggest side effects that I have read about online is ED(erectile dysfunction.), that would just cause more problems then it would solve. I may be depressed but I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs and that’s a good thing I think.

Kids These Days...

Now where to start? I suppose one of the subjects that I have seemed to have forgotten or rather chose not to write about is kids these days. I mean I have written about things that have bothered me, but things that bother me, but writing about young people these days is a whole different animal. One of the biggest pet peeves I experience on a daily basis is the youth of today.

I don’t mean people who are in their early twenties I mean kids between the ages of 11 and 15. After about 15 then these sub adults become somewhat tolerable. Kids between the ages of 11 and 15 are barely above retarded. I am not saying they are stupid, but what I do see from them is a sense of entitlement like no other. I know I was a little shit when I was a teen and when I was in early high school, but I don’t think I ever was at this level of retardation.

If you are having a tough time at what I am talking about then ride the bus, go to a movie, explore the mall any day of the week between the hours of 2 and 5pm and you will see exactly what it is I am talking about. I don’t know what it is about them that drives me nuts. I think it has to do with the fact that kids 15 through 11 were born and raised right when the internet and cell phones really took off. I think with the abundance of cell phones and the access to the internet, this generation of kids are the worst in history. I don’t care if your child or little brother and sister fall into this category(because I have siblings in this range as well), but its this generation that does not know a powerful word called “patience”.

I mean just look at this day and age. I mean no one can discipline kids anymore. I mean god fucking forbid you smack some 12 year old kid and that pile of afterbirth will call Child Protective Services and you may find yourself in court or worse, have your kids taken away. To me it’s bullshit. I was smacked as a child, I knew quite a few kids in my class that were hit and we turned out great. There is a difference between punishment and abuse*.

I was born in 1982, and I am almost 30 years old. I grew up in one of the last generations that did not have internet in their high school. I mean we did but it was so primitive and shitty that it was not worth using most of the time. I didn’t really grow up with a cell phone either. I got my first cell phone when I was about 21 years old. Pretty fucking late, when you consider my little sister has a cell phone and she is only like 10 years old. More then a full decade younger then me. I grew up in the pager age**. Pagers, let’s not talk about that shit.

Let’s also talk about the way kids these days talk. I don’t mean being loud or dumb, but the subject matter. I have never heard such whiney bitchiness from so called “thug kids”. The way the so called “tough” kids talk these days is the way kids who were Goth talked when I was young. Everything is about emotion and every thing is all dramatic and many, many fucking times, I hear about teens sex lives.

I hear adults my age talk about sex, as well, but there is something really disturbing when I hear a girl of about 14 say “I never gave away my vcard to him, I mean I let him feel me up and later I served him up”.***. Yes I was a horny teenager and yes I tried to get to feel up on as many girls as I could, but I never spoke about it out loud so nonchalantly and the way they spoke was disturbing to me. I mean it is odd just how open people are about sex. Is it progress? I don’t think so. Just because you can talk about sex, doesn’t mean you should and I really hope that those people are wearing protection because some of kids are going to find out about life the hard way.

I am not a prude and I like to talk dirty. There is nothing wrong with talking dirty and nasty to someone as long as they want to hear it, but I don’t care who you are, I don’t think it is a good idea to talk about that shit on the bus. Please can we also leave the making out to a minimum. It seems that everywhere I go there are two pimply sweaty and greasy people making out. I cannot really get mad at this, since I used to make out with girls anywhere. This is part of a punishment and for that I can forgive.

Kids are really dumb these days and they don’t know life before the age of cell phones and computers. I mean by no means is my generation brilliant, but it seemed to have bread people who were pretty smart and had some sort of control over themselves. People my age are Seth Rogan, Mark Zuckerberg, Natalie Portman just to name a few. People who grew up in the “cell phone” age are Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez. I am not ragging on them, but if you look at their characters they are all about in your face now, now, now. My generation by no means was free from this. I mean we had Backstreet Boys and The Spice Girls, but the shit just seemed cooler. Maybe it’s cause I am a snob.

Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe people my parents age thought that kids my age were spoiled. I am not too sure about this. I mean my generation(growing up in the late 80s-90s) had differences. I mean we had NES and Super NES, VHS, Cds and cable was dominant, but aside from cable and Cds and “real” video games, what was so different. I mean I didn’t grow up with a device that instantly connected me with friends, I know what it is like to miss a call. I know what phone tag is, I know it feels to get a busy signal. I mean our generation was different but it is not like 100% different like today’s generation.

I think it is the attitude that bothers me the most. I just wish people who are young know what it means to be cool and not treat every little event like a fucking tragedy.

*People always argue against kids getting hit with the belt or smacked, but I think it is important. I mean if a kid does something against the rules, then they should be spanked. SPANKED as in with an OPEN PALM, no fists or kicks. I mean spank and punch are two different things.

**Pagers are the stupidest fucking things ever invented. What is the point of a fucking pager? I mean you get a page, then you spend half an hour to get change and find a pay phone and you call the person back and when you do they’re usually not home. Or you could carry a pager and have a pocketful of change and jingle and jangle like an asshole. As stupid as they are when I was in high school, I was crazy about them. Even had a girl buy me one when I was in 9th grade. That rocked.

***That particular conversation was had by a effeminate Latino kid and his best “girlfriend” who looked, well I don‘t know, she looked like an alien. Probably hapa. The fag hag was the one doing all the talking. It got worse when the Latino started giving the girl “tips” on how to service her boyfriend.

Telepathy: Calling Out to People

Do humans possess mental telepathy? I have always wondered about this sort of thing. I mean I know supposedly a lot of people are in tune with something that allows them to read people, and make claims that are sometimes very true and very real. I am not talking about predicting the future or any of that sort of stuff. I am not sure we really can, but what I am talking about is psychic signals or just the fact that two people can be so in tuned with each other that sometimes it seems they share a bond with each other. I just don’t mean couples, I also mean friends, or relatives. I mean sometimes it just happens with two people.

I don’t normally believe in this sort of thing, well sort of I do but I never thought enough about this subject to write about it, until it happened to me in the last 2 days. Yesterday I had a meeting. This meeting was scheduled for 2pm yesterday. I decided to leave my house 2 hours early. I did this because it takes me an hour to get to the place where I was having the meeting and I also like to get to places like this really early. I get there early because it allows me time to center myself and get my qi and whatever into balance. Plus early bird gets the worm and all that jazz.

I was sitting outside the place waiting for my meeting to start when I was just reading an San Francisco Guardian paper*. I looked around and started people watching as I read, and I saw a bus pull away. When I saw this bus pull away it triggered a memory**. I remember when I was with my ex when I was in China and there was this one night where we were on our way back to our place. We always took the buses to places and in China rather then have a cord to pull that signals you are requesting a stop, you have to yell out stop in Mandarin. Pretty neat I think. Well our stop was popular and since we were way in the back I was one of the last people getting off. I saw my ex get off and since she was a bit more faster then me I hurried and wouldn’t you know it the bus took off and I saw her look up at with a “What the hell?” look on her face. I didn’t really panic. I tried to copy the Mandarin word but luckily someone there yelled it for me and the bus driver stopped and I got out. It was only like half a block away from out place. The rest of the night we laughed about it. I thought it was really funny. It was a blessing in disguise because rather then just go home we found a nice little café and had some nice snacks before we went to bed.

It is one of the best memories I have. It may not sound so exciting or particularly funny to you, but it is hard to capture the emotions behind it through words. I guess it was just a couple moment. A fun intimate moment that is forever engrained in my mind. This happened like on fifth day in China and I think this had really unwound her. She is uptight about many things, like how to act in public***, but at home she was just a normal girl.

Yesterday I was thinking about this and it made me smile. I had sort of not thought about that moment for a long while. I went to that meeting, it went exceptionally well, I walked back to the bus stop and then again that memory floated out of no where and I just smiled again and shrugged it off as maybe since I am on the bus then it might be triggering this memory. When I got home I didn’t think much of it. I then checked my email around 630pm yesterday evening and guess what was sitting in my email box? An email from my ex.

To me that was like a slap in the face. Not because I didn’t want to read it but the fact that she had emailed me. I will not divulge what the email said, since it is a private thing, but the fact that she emailed me at all is pretty amazing. I mean we hadn’t spoken in over 2 months and for her to email me after I had 1 specific memory pop up more then once. I find it odd and I wonder, did I mentally call her to get her to email me?

I do think about my ex. I think about her a lot, but it is usually either some anger issue, or how much of a cunt she turned out to be, or sexual in nature. This I take as a guy thing. I have noticed that a lot of guys think of their ex girlfriends or wives in this nature. Usually males think of this because I think it shows the most powerful of emotions. I mean the reason why someone got dumped will always linger on and it is usually fresh and present, they also think about what I like to call “the change”. The change is that moment when a girlfriend or wife went from someone cool to a complete bitch and if you are a guy who got dumped, then you are more then likely to have this kind of feeling. The sexual part is male human nature. I can think of every girl I have gone out with, had relations with and remember any and every sexual detail about them. The quirks, the likes and the dislikes, smell, everything.

At first I thought it was a matter of coincidence, but now the more that I think about it, I am thinking it’s more that I called out to her to send me a message. I think this because of the memory that popped up. I mean it was a memory that was not of the big three that I just mentioned. It was a happy memory, a memory that she holds dear to herself as well****. I mean I do think of our time together as a couple and when I do it usually kind of boils down to one of the three. This memory however was different, I didn’t think of this memory and then have me thinking about her and sex, it was pure smiles and happiness in the recollection.

Another act that happens a lot that leads me to believe that we all have mental telepathy is something that has happened to each and every person who reads this and just about everyone. Ever been sitting thinking about somebody, you then go up and grab your cell phone and you are just about to call them, when that same person calls you. This has happened to me many times, and it has happened to you. Weird right?

This also applies to when you actually call someone and when you get them on the phone they tell you that they were just about to call you as well. Is it coincidence? No, I don’t think so. I mean it might sound like it but I think that is a lazy way to think about it. It’s sort of a miracle if you really think to core of it. I mean it happens a lot and I think that it happens to so many people that we overlook it. Kind of like when conception happens. I mean out of 30 million sperm, the 1 sperm fertilizes the egg in your mother and that egg becomes you. It is a miracle, but it happens so often, that we are blinded by it.

I know that the bulk of this entry was about my mental telepathy with my ex, but I am sure that has happened to you. I mean I was really surprised and happy to hear from her. I do have a bit of feelings for her, but that is done and I must move on. I have gone on dates and they have led to just about no where, which is okay. I just think it is neat that when I called out to her, she responded.

*Thank god this paper is free. It is such a shitty publication and I don’t understand how the people who write for it, can keep their jobs. Horrible, hippy paper. I hate the San Francisco Guardian.

**Memories are a funny thing. To me, they remind me of the bubbles from “Pop Up Video” that used to play on VH1. I mean you can be sitting there watching TV and then you will see a commercial and that will trigger a memory of something nice or something embarrassing or something horrible. I wish there was a way we could control this a bit better. We as humans have no control over this.

***Uptight in the sense that she had to always plan our days and what to down to the minute. I am a big fan of this but even to a schedule ridden guy like myself she was insane. I mean when we were in China she was acting like we had to rush around, like we were going to miss a train or something. This is ironic because on out last day in China, she wanted to get her nails done at a little place next to the train station that was going to take us to Changsha. Well they didn’t finish until the very last moment and we had to bloody run for it and I literally jumped onto a train while it was moving. Indiana Jones stuff.

****About a week before we broke up, we had an intimate moment and she told me what her best memory of the trip was. I said jokingly “What all the shopping?”, she giggled a little bit but then told me the memory of the night that I missed our stop and went to the café. She said it was cute and funny and it was her favorite moment. She is many things, but she is honest and blunt. That is a scary and sexy trait.