Free Will Does NOT Exist

Free will is truly an illusion. I mean people are always talking about how, how God all gave us free will to do whatever we like and that we get to choose whatever path, we walk on, but I am calling bullshit. I call bullshit, because there is one big glaring mistake in this way of thinking. In the 3 major western religions all say that we are all following God’s plan and that we also have free will. If we have free will then we can do whatever we want. But if this is all God’s plan, then doesn’t that mean that each and every decision that we have made is already preordained(already made) for us. It’s a fucking brain twister if you really think about it, I mean do we really have free will or is everything already planned?

This is a question that has plagued a lot of people. It also has plagued me and I feel that this is a subject that has to be addressed. I have argued with many people, especially so called holy or Christian people, on whether or not we really have free will. They have always told me that it’s because of God’s love that we have free will and it is because in his wisdom gave us the ultimate gift of free will. But like I said before that is wrong.

Remember that God is all knowing, and knows everything. This is another way of looking through the eyes of God and proving that free will is pure bullshit. This is a  thought experiment called Casual Deterism this is taken from www.wikipedia.org

Imagine an entity, that knows all facts about the past and the present, and knows all natural laws that govern the universe. If the laws of nature were determinate, then such an entity would be able to use this knowledge to foresee the future, down to the smallest detail.

This is the only way to see through the eyes of God, what this is saying that a an entity like God can see everything from the beginning of time to the end of time then there is no free will. If God knows what you did last week and what you’re going to do in forty years on this very day then every decision you make and continue making are leading to whatever even happens in 40 years.

Also since there is no free will, then every event that has happened in my life and in the life of anyone who reads this entry was preordained and every option took or not took all leads up to the moment where you are reading this sentence as I type it.

It’s rather spooky, when one thinks about it. We really don’t have control of our lives. We are governed by predetermination, fate and whatever else governs our short little lives. I get tired of people telling me that we have complete control of our lives with free will. I am sorry to break it to you folks, but we don’t.

Like I said, everything that has happened and everything you have done has led you to this moment of you reading this.

Lame Ducks

I am tired of the lame duck. What I mean by lame duck, is that I am tired of dating a certain type of woman who does seem to possess the same skill levels as myself. I am not talking about looks. Since I am not a really good looking person, I have no right to really bitch and moan about the ways girls, look and for the most part all of the women I have dated, I have been extremely attracted too. But for whatever reason, I have dated women who seem to have a hard time finding work and therefore keeping work and I am tired of that. I have worked the long 40 hour weeks and why can’t I find a partner who can do the same?

Sometimes, I think that maybe it’s because the type of women I attract are all lumped into the category of women who liked to be taken care of, but a lot of the women that I have been serious with have never really carried a real job. One of my ex’s, I actually had to get her work, it’s part time, but it is work nonetheless. With my current ex, she always wanted me to write her resumes or help her apply for work, but I guess the question I must ask, is this: “Are all these women incompetent, when it comes to working?’

I really hope that’s not the case. I mean I don’t think I date dumb women, but why can’t any of the women, I date find their own work? I just think since the way I look, I am destined to find women who need my power and smartness to help them out. I feel tired of having to carry women. I don’t mind helping girls, with gifts and cash and that part has never really bothered me, what bothers me is when girls are helpless when it comes to working.

I am not the smartest guy in the world, but I do know how to work and I think I need someone who is on equal ground.

Some of you might be thinking that I am being really funky and just being angry, but this sentiment has been brewing like this for many years. It seems ever since I graduated high school, which was 10 years ago now, I have dated and gone out with women who seem incapable of working. My current ex, the one whom I recently ended things is still in university so, she is kind of I guess excused from it, but she sure loves money, the gal, I almost married, I have no real idea what her excuse is or was. I mean she is 3 years older then I am and I had to get her work after something like 4 years, what’s up with that?

I am sorry if this is a snaky post, but it’s something I do not understand, why do I attract women like that? One answer could be, “Oh it’s because you only date Chinese or Asian women”, but that is not true, I have only been with Asian women for the last 7 years, before that I have dated Latinas and White women and they all seemed to have the same trouble.

I guess it’s my personality that attracts women like that. I do like being generous with money and gifts and when I have it and you are with me, I will treat you like a fucking princess, but at the same time it would be nice if one can have a partner on equal ground, in terms of work, but since I am a sucker for the same type of lady, I am probably doomed to be the breadwinner

Disrespect: When People Don't Answer Their Text Messages

*PLEASE NOTE I am sorry for the lack of blog entries since my last one. It had been a pretty stressful week, so I was not inclined to write anything and anything I did write, turned into nothing but dog shit. But my avid and faithful fans, I am back and it is better now. Maybe, the shorter more intense entries are the way to go and so I will not be so much concerned with length, then with quality of post. Unless something major and tragic occurs in my life, I will not skip days like I did this past week, I am sorry for that and it won’t happen again.

I guess I want to walk about text messages. I mean I love these things. They are instant forms of communications when it comes to conveying pieces of information, that just need to be told without any real kind of discussion. I find them really useful and whenever I get one, I am always trying to return the message as soon as possible. I mean if someone took the time to send me a message then the least that I could do is respond back. I also like that courtesy as well. But humans, being the fucked up individuals they tend to be, often times don’t respond for hours or days at time.

I mean why do people do that. I can understand it maybe, when people are at work, then they have to wait until their shift is over and then they will have a moment to respond, but people who do nothing all day or better yet, people who have time to respond or they choose to just ignore you, is the ultimate disrespect in my opinion.

Check this out. When one get’s a text, it is almost instantaneous when one receives it. If one is at work, then all is forgiven, but if one is at home, or walking around or doing whatever bullshit people like to do on their precious spare time, and they cannot take 3 seconds to respond. What the fuck is up with that? I mean that is a real fucking disrespect, want to know how that is? When one gets a text message and they look at your message and then they read your message and read your name, then that person, within like 3 seconds thinks and says, “YOU ARE NOT WORTH TAKING 3 SECONDS OUT OF MY DAY TO RESPOND”.

See this disrespect only applies to text  messaging because it is an instant thing. I can understand, not being able to respond to voicemails, or email messages. Sometimes, one does not have the time to check an email account or check their voicemail, and that’s cool. I have often times forgotten to check my email or voicemail and that is understandable. It takes some effort, especially with email to do it and it sometimes cannot be a fast process. But text messages literally take half a second to check and it takes a mere few seconds to decide that you are not worth responding too.

I fucking hate that shit. I mean what is up with that. What is the fucking point of sending a message to someone who takes either hours or days to fucking decide that you are worth responding too. It hurts when that kind of shit happens and I think it’s wrong and people just need to respond and not be so fucking chicken shit.

God and Time: Two Crappy Things In Our Life

What to say about today? I am not sure. Long days, have been around me these past few weeks and I am not sure why. It just seems as I get older time seems to really speed up. I am always thinking that there is going to be more time to do things, but then their really isn’t. I mean in a heartbeat, after I turned 18, I was 21 and then an instant later I was 25 and before I could finish writing this sentence I am 28 almost 29 and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I know as you get older time goes by faster, but at this rate I simply cannot imagine life when I am like in my fifties or beyond.

You see God, our heavenly creator has everything to do with it. He is one of the most sadistic beings that has ever come into creation. He just likes fucking with the good people of this world. Is this really a bad thing? I mean I know the human race is a pretty arrogant and I am not sure how we stand up against the many other species that are intelligent in our Universe, but being a human for the last 28 years, it’s been a tough road dealing with the stupid and retarded behavior that the people of this world like to act. I mean just think of all the useless wars, crimes, and stupidity that humans do.

One of the biggest examples of just how stupid humans are is when the Spanish conquered the Aztecs. The Aztecs the most violent and deadly of Central American tribes had an army of a million strong. Even if disease was around, and even if the 500 or so Spaniards had an army of 10,000 with help from the other locals, the million strong army could not wipe them out. I mean the Spanish did have guns, but they were for one shot, the Aztecs, had bows and arrows, and clubs and just could have wiped them all out. But what really fucked the Aztecs was a so called holy prophecy said that a being with blue eyes and golden hair would take their civilization into a whole new direction, and boy did it. Rape, murder and the conquering of a whole nation of people. I mean why couldn’t Montezuma, have been like every other god fearing person and just killed and destroyed what was different.

Life sucks and God sucks, for being an ever loving father or mother or whatever horse shit you believe in, he sure doesn’t like to take care of his people. Even to the Jewish people, the so called “Chosen People”, look how they were treated.

God is more like Loki a trickster, a whisperer, or more like a little kid who likes to burn ants with a magnifying glass or the type that likes to pour salt on slugs or the wings off of flies. God is cruel with time and opportunity and he or she lets our faith in him or her, destroy others for it.

In this day and age, God, is nothing.

The Fucking Game Sucks!

The game sucks. The chase the persute, the fantasy, whatever it’s all bullshit. I call it bullshit, because regardless of what kind of game one has, it all comes down is chemistry. If one doesn’t have that initial chemistry, then nothing will happen. I am tired of all the little rules and regulations, that start once you pass that thresh hold of getting the phone number.

You see, I don’t really participate in all this game bullshit. My hardcore, almost getting married relationship of my thus far started like this:

One day, I was working at a job that I had about 5 years ago now. I saw this girl that looked familiar, and so I said hello to her. I didn’t think much of her, and the next day I saw her again, and we started talking about this, that and the other. The next day, I saw her again and this time, I decided to get her number, and we exchanged them. That night she called me and we had a great conversation for like an hour and half or so. It was like everything was perfect. We made perfect conversation, and the next day she saw me again at my work and then we went on our first date that evening and everything was cool for the first 3 years and then, you know the story.

See what happened there. No game, no waiting a certain amount of days, no horse shit. Just a simple case of 2 people who clicked and had chemistry and we just called each other when the time was right. I just wish I could figure out when a good time to call, without sounding too desperate.

I just wish there wasn't a game.. What is the fucking point?

Thoughts: Incomplete and I Don't Care

Balance is such a weird thing. I do not mean the balance it takes to walk across a high wire line, but the balance of the universe. The universe is all about cause and effect and it seems that as of late the balance of the universe is out of whack. The universe is an energy based place and it seems that a lot of evil or out of whack energy seems to be flooding over the flood gate and into my life.

Originally this should have been Sunday’s article, but yesterday was a day for mothers of the world and I wanted to honor my mother and her side of the family no matter what bullshit was going on in my life. Right now my life is in kind of a tail spin. Still looking for a decent paying job, still trying to find the one true love of my life and still pinning over the girl whom I had a recent break up with. I just feel so fucked up and I think the universe is all out of whack.

I feel nervous over a situation involving my younger brother. I mean hopefully by this time, he has either responded to a text or has decided to return a call, but if that has not come to pass, then I do not know how I will be feeling. I just hate this sense of unease that is all around me and I just hope everything works out for the best.

This is going to probably be a shorter article, but I just don’t feel like writing about any particular subject, but the simple fact that I feel the world is falling down around. It’s the world of my family and close relationships, though it was a nice thing that I did meet a new lady yesterday, I am not even sure if that’s real.

I just feel sick of everything, but I still want to press on and live.

Hangover Sunday: The School Theater

*Please note that even though in the title it says “Hangover Sunday” that does not really mean that I had gotten drunk the night before. “Hangover Sunday” is just a title. It is a title I use so I could tell you all a story. Sometimes, it will be about me and my past, or a story I heard about. The point being, is it’s Sunday, so just relax and enjoy.

The story I am about to tell you is not my own. It is the something that happened to my maternal grandmother. It’s been kind of a spooky family story, that is told at least once or twice a year and to this day it is a freaky story. I mean it is simple and you be the judge of that. Like I said it is not my story but it is a story that I think you might enjoy. No real names shall be used. This is my grandmother’s story.

The follow story is a true story and it took place in the late fall of 1947.

The fall weather was mellow and a bit warm. It had been raining all day and so little girl of about five years old followed her older brother, who was 9, inside the large and empty school theater. The two kids were joined by a two other kids who were just as bored. The smiled as they watched the rain and looked at each other. It was a Sunday and there seemed to be really nothing to do.

The 5 year old girl and the 9 year old boy were the two youngest children of the headmaster at this semi prestigious elementary school. The headmaster and his family of 5 children lived on the school grounds and had pretty much free reign during the weekends. They could explore just about anywhere they wanted too, as long as they didn’t break or destroy anything.

During this fall weekend, it was a holiday and since a lot of families were rich, most of the students went on some long vacation and the two kids who were there with the little girl and her older brother, came from a family who were a bit on the poorer side, so they had made a deal with the headmaster to allow them to stay at the school during the long weekend holiday.

The two other kids were twin boys and they were about 8 years. It was 4 little kids and they had this spooky school to explore. The older brother had always wanted to check out the school theater. To him the school theater was a place of mystery. He and the rest of the kids had been there before, for pageants or school announcements, but he had never been behind the stage or anywhere besides sitting in the audience and since there was nothing to do and his older siblings were with their father, then he thought today was a good day. His little sister, thought it would be fun to follow her brother and the twins just wanted to play with the two other kids.

The older brother laughed at how hard it was raining and he suggested that they go explore the old theater. The twins looked nervously at each other and the little girl, thought it was a good idea. The twins had heard some spooky stories about the place and they had told the older brother, their concerns and he just laughed at them and told them not to be silly. The older brother then moved toward the entrance of the theater and little girl urged the twin boys to come along. The twins were nervous but they didn’t want to be left alone so they followed.

The little girl followed her older brother into the large theater. There were about 250 seats and it looked like large theater with a stage and black boards on the stage. The little girl asked her older brother, what he was looking for, and he just said he just wanted to see what was behind the stage. The four kids then walked to the stage and up the short stair case then led them onto the stage.

The older brother walked to one of the black boards and was looking for chalk to write with. The twins were just standing around looking nervous and were secretly hoping to get out of the place. The little girl was just looking out at the audience and pretending that she was on stage singing and dancing. She was lost in her world. Her older brother found some chalk and was writing some words on the black board. The older brother noticed that the black board was not really attached to wall but were wither hung from a line or were part of a false wall. He was using the chalk board near stage right.

The little girl was the first to notice it. Then the twins and finally the older brother who had stopped writing and had a look of horror on his face. At the far black board, near stage left, was a pair of bare feet. It was as if someone was standing there without any socks or shoes on. These feet were not a normal set of feet. They were huge and it seemed that the shins went on forever. The little girl was speechless. The older brother then called out and received no answer. The twins were nervous and told the older brother that they wanted to get out of there. The older brother called them silly and told them to relax.

The older brother laughed and told them that it was probably a janitor standing there trying to freak them out. The little girl looked on at the huge feet and noticed that they shifted ever so slightly and that some of the toes moved. The older brother called out again, startling his little sister. The older brother then decided that it was time to check it out and see if there was someone standing playing a stupid joke.

The twins did not want to go, but they also did not want to stay on the stage alone with the huge feet. The four kids then walked towards the black boards and looked behind the false wall near stage right and saw no one standing there. The older brother walked behind the black board where the feet were standing and there was nothing. He checked all around with his little sister and saw nothing and no one.

The older brother laughed and so did the twins nervously. The four kids then walked back from  behind the black boards and back onto the stage. The little girl then screamed as she was the first one onto the stage. The feet were back and were just standing there. The twins came out and saw it too, and yelped. The older brother who was still behind the black boards looked back and saw nothing there. When he made it back on stage he saw the feet too and this freaked him out.

He grabbed his sister’s hand and the four kids ran out of the theater. The little girl took one last look at the stage and she still saw the large feet just standing there.*

I hope you enjoyed this spooky tale on this cool and windy mother’s day.

I Love You Mom.

*to this day we have no idea what my grandmother and my great uncle saw that day. It’s a freaky story. The freaky part is the fact that the three witnesses saw it while one of their party was behind the false wall and didn’t see anything. This is truly a scary story that has freaked me out for the past 28 years, since I have heard about growing up.