On Turning 29

Yesterday I turned 29 years old and I am not sure how I feel about things. I mean I have started a new gig these past few weeks and I know that will work out. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. I am sorry about the lack of entries, it’s not like I don’t have any good ideas, I just don’t have the time like I used too. I work a dreadful(though I am so happy to have) shift that is too early to really do anything and I finish too late to do anything. I mean granted I probably could get up early and find a coffee shop that is near my place and write and blog there, but I feel tired. I could also try to do it after work as well, but fuck I am tired after being on my feet and dealing with people for about 9 hours a day. It’s a no win. I will try and write when I get home, but by that time my eyes and head hurt from starring at a monitor for so long. This never used to happen to me but I guess I am getting older.

This was one of the more quieter birthdays of recent memory I must say. I usually try and have a party or a delicious dinner but I kind of lost my fire for those kinds of things I guess back in 2009. In 2004 and 2005 I had a good party. In 2004 I had a big joint party with another friend*. In 2005 I Went to a junky Korean restaurant( although at that time I thought it was decent for reasons that have been lost in time), and afterwards my friends and I went to drink and we had a good time. Later that weekend my father and brother and I went to watch “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” In 2006 I didn’t do much I reckon. I didn’t have much money. I guess my birthdays haven’t really been all that grand. Usually just dinner and a little bit of drinking. 2007 and 2008 were not bad years I guess**.

Do I feel weird about getting older? Not really. I just feel like I want more to life. I am glad to be alive and I am noticing I am have patience for a lot of things but a lot of impatience for a great many things as well. Let us start with the impatience aspect. I am impatient when it comes to meeting new women. I guess I had some more patience when I was younger. I had the time to slowly get to know someone, but it seems these days I lack that patience. I do not mean that all I want to do is meet some woman and fuck her as soon as I see her. That part, I have more patience now, then before.

I am impatient when it comes to intentions. I want to get married and have kids. I am approaching 30 and I want to have kids sooner rather then later. I do not want to have a baby at fucking 38 years old and be almost 60 when those kids go to college. If I have a kid next year then I will be only close to fifty and that I can live with. I have a few friends who’s parents are in their 60s and they are my age. Fuck that shit man. I have one friend, a guy friend, who’s dad fought in Vietnam. Jesus fucking Christ. That is something that I don’t want to have,

What I don’t like and what a lot of women do is that say you meet a new person. You as the male think everything is going good. You ask the girl out to dinner and hang out. Everything is going well. You pay for dinner. You repeat and maybe you do an activity. Still on your dime though, and say after about 4 dates, then this person says “Dude let’s be friends” I don’t mind that. I don’t mind meeting a new girl and her telling me up front that all she wants is to be friends. What fucking chafes my fucking skin is the fact that she allowed me to think that I was getting somewhere and she got four fucking free meals from me. I just wish they were up front. If they were then I would handle things differently. I just wish women would tell me things up front rather then after I have spent money on them.

I also have impatience for bullshit. My bullshit meter is much stronger then it was when I was younger and I thank age and experience for that. I can size up people really fast now and I can tell people who are smart or dumb or just plainly full of shit. I get tired of meeting people who are supposedly really smart and when they start saying things my eyes become small and my rage begins.

I have noticed this when people talk to me about movies, movie collecting, printing and writing. I am not smart in many things, but I do know a lot about movies and movie collecting and printing. I just feel all mad when ever I encounter a person like this.

I feel impatient when it comes to buying things as well. Mostly movies or books. It’s like I have to buy it now. I guess I became this way once I seriously started using plastic to buy all of my shit. Before I was strictly only used cash. I mean it took me many years to surpass my 250 mark of collecting DVDs. Now that I have blu ray I am at 100 blu rays and I have been collecting them since December. At this rate I will surpass my DVD collection by the summer.

In terms of patience I am much more patient when it comes to working. I do not anger as easily when I would get stressed out like I used too. I am not insane about pussy like I used to be. Granted I love that shit and when I am at it, I am crazy but I do not pick up every fucking oriental that passes my way. I look but I am a fucking human. I am patient when it comes responsibility. Granted I buy a lot of things, but I always take the time to figure out bills first, then everything else later. I make more money now, so I can buy a lot of blu rays, but I also hardly ever buy clothes or drink booze much. I spend my money on 3 things; bills, blu rays and women. I don’t go out often so I mostly movies and bills.

29 is going to be a good year. The odd numbered years tend to be good years. In terms of age and time the odd and numbered years rock. I don’t know why, With the exception of 2001 most odd numbered years have been great. Although 2011 was a bit dodgy

*In 2004 I had a joint party with my friends from South Korea. One guy, my friend(who I talked about in the 9/16/2011 entry)'s boyfriend and I had a party together. It was fun, because another girl whom I was crushing on helped me plan it, but at the same time it kind of sucked. I had to see my friend and her boyfriend kiss. When he was drunk they kissed with tounges. That was not pleasant.

**In 2007 I took my ex, her mom and my dad to see a Korean movie called "200lb Beauty" and then we had dinner at a joint called "Hanuru" great Korean food. In 2008 i took my dad, my ex and my brother to have Korean dinner at the same place. I was moneybags during that time.

What Makes Me Happy: A Few Thoughts

I have touched up on the illusions of happiness. I have a whole entry dedicated to the fact that ignorance is truly bliss and that it is better to live life without the horrible truths of reality. It is better in the sense that it will make us feel good about ourselves. I have not written a blog entry in a whole week. This is due to the fact that I started a new job and this job is rather taxing on me physically and so by the time I made it home I was dog tired. I felt tired physically to the point of falling asleep while watching my favorite shows. I guess I was not prepared for the mental toll it was going to be. I have had jobs that were a lot more stressful, but the balancing act was the pay and there are two things in this life that motivate people and that is pussy and money.

I am sorry I went on a little rant there. I want to discuss what makes me happy. Not the illusions of happiness, but what makes me happy. There are a few things in this world that make me happy. I will talk about the things that make me happy and the things that I think make me happy, but in reality there are some things that don’t make me happy.

Shopping make me happy. I have to clarify exactly. I love shopping for movies. I mean blu rays and of course DVDs. I like finding great deals, I like buying a lot at a time and I love the feeling I get when I purchase a blu ray. I t makes me feel alive and I don’t know what that is. I mean I have to buy clothes, or food or alcohol but it does not give me the same sort of high. It could be because a movie is something that is tangible. I can hold it and watch it over and over again, but clothes are used everyday. A lot of women love to buy shoes or clothes or jewelry but I do not. I sometimes I feel all sick about it when I have to waste money on clothes. I am one of the few people who love hand me down clothes and shoes. I hate used movies, but used clothes is fine by me.

The Office makes me happy. Not my work, but the TV show The Office. I like to watch Michael and Dwight, Pam and Jim, Kelly Kapoor and Angela, all are such cool characters that make me laugh and make me forget about the bullshit that is life. I have been hooked on this show and I cannot get enough of it. I mean it is like real life. I have never been in the super office situation in terms of work, but I am close in the sense that some of the same bullshit that gets pulled there also has happened in my life. It is just a great show.

Women are supposed to be true happiness for every guy. I love ladies. They are wonderful. They smell nice, act sweet, can be so cute and wonderful and their bodies are things of perfection. This is a true statement. Women are perfect, want to know how I know this. Think of the girl you love, she is perfect in every sense that you love so by that way of thinking, then all women are perfect, each and every woman out there has someone who adores them.

Anyways, I have my goddess in my life as well, but do women as a whole really make me happy? I don’t think so. I think they cause me more problems then they actually solve. Women are crafty, irresponsible, flakey, demanding, ornery all these things*. I know a few girls who would not skip a beat when it comes to cancelling a get together appointment a few minutes before we are supposed to meet up. Women are not very nice creatures.

I have had two great loves in my life and they were back to back and they both were of the same race. Although one was more then the other and they were both made me the happiest guy on earth and made me feel lower then shit. I am a cool and collected person for the most part but inside I can be all neurotic and feel all crazy about my insecurities. My first great love was quirky and odd and our bullshit emotions meshed well. The girl after that was not as quirky but was mean and honest, but that honesty also meant immense loyalty to me and that is one of the reasons why I loved her so hard. I have noticed a lot of times bitchy women are loyal to the guy whom they can be mean too. I guess the way they see it is that if a guy is willing to put up with her bitchiness he will put up with anything.

Food is another so called happiness subject in my life. I love food, and I think in the past I may have loved food a bit too much, but I don’t to eat. Sometimes I feel guilty after eating. I am a heavy guy and food is a tough thing to control. I mean it is not like I can quit food like I can quit on drugs or smoking. You don’t need drugs or smoking to live, but food is a constant animal that needs to be, fed every 5 hours or so or I start to feel all fucked up and cranky. I wish there was a real pill that provided my body with nutrients but that didn’t require me to eat. That is a pipe dream I suppose.

Those are a few of things that make me happy and some of the things that are supposed to make me happy. I guess the illusion of happiness is something that I cannot run away from. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you are well.

* I am not trying to sound like I hate women, because men are the exactly the same way. However since I love women and I only go out with women, I had to say what I had to say. Men are shit and women are shit. Remember if a female dog is a bitch then is a female cat a cunt?

Ode to the United States of America

The following might be an odd topic for a lot of you. Given my style for yelling and screaming and writing topics that deal with hate and love, and things of that nature, I thought a change of pace for the day might be a good thing. I want to talk about America, well the United States of America. I feel that the United States of America is the greatest county in the world. Yes, our economy sucks, yes unemployment is through the roof, we are not the best in education, we don’t produce things like we used to, we are fat but that does not matter. We have something that most countries don’t. That things is called opportunity.

I mean just think about it. This place is an immigrants wet fucking dream. It’s no wonder that so many people wanted to come here. I mean try finding a fucking job in another country. There are so many hoops and boundaries that one has to get past just to get a sub par job outside the United States. It is damn near impossible.

If you come to the United States you can find work. It might be shitty work, but you find work. You can find work and save money. You save enough money to maybe eventually start your business, from this you can pass it down to your children and you have made a legacy. This is why so many Hispanic and Asian families are so successful.

The reason why the United States is so great is because anyone can make a name for themselves. The immigrants come to this country and break their backs for their whole lives and they reap the rewards. I think if one is pushed back against the wall then they can make it. They can do the jobs that people don’t like doing. These hard working people know that they will get their just rewards.

I think this is why America is awesome.