Phony DJs

The art of being a DJ is one that is dying. I remember when I was a young lad of 18 years, I used to go these underground parties called raves. At these raves, there would be a lot of black lights, and glow sticks, scantly clad boys and girls, a lot of drugs and a DJ would be there mixing either trance or house or whatever type of music. The DJ would use vinyl records and mix different beats together and make some pretty cool music. Well it used to sound cool to me, now it just sounds annoying and it brings my blood to a boil. The point of this first bit is the fact that 10 years ago or so, DJS would actually do a real performance and make different and nice sounding music.

These days however it’s a different deal. Recently since I have become single again, I have decided to go out every Saturday evening. I would usually go out to watch an afternoon movie, maybe grab a bite to eat and then go to the bar that I like hanging out. It’s an overpriced, overly dark, loud place that has some sexy and sassy bartenders.

That being said they employ a couple of so called DJS to work their lackluster Saturday evening. These are the type of DJS who use a laptop to help them “mix” their music. Now before the DJ arrives the manager or whoever has a CD or MP3 playing with a selection of modern rap/hip-hop and r&b. It’s loud and so it makes speaking with people a bit difficult but that’s okay. I can dig loud music and having to really speak up to talk with someone.  All this occurs when the bar first opens. About forty minutes to an hour before the so called DJ arrives. 

Now this is where I get both annoyed and bothered, The bit that bothers me is this. Maybe I am not used to bar culture, but I assume that being a DJ is like any other job. You’re supposed to arrive on time and be ready to work at the specified time, you’re scheduled. But whatever, that bit doesn’t really bother me. So this yahoo sets his stuff up and starts to play music. He works from a laptop that is connected to a faux turntable and the so called mixing begins. The music is the same staple of 80s, 90s, 00s and modern music that we tend to hear anytime we go to any kind of bar. The music itself is pretty cool, I give it that, but then the “mixing” begins. I am trying to enjoy my drink and I turn and watch the DJ mix and I don’t understand what he is doing. I watched him for a while and all he did was fiddle with his laptop. I know that probably means that he is adjusting his music, which is cool, but should he be called a DJ.

The part that annoys me is the arrogance of this kind of Djing, These people walk around and think they are producing art. So back to the story. Even before this guy starts working I watch the bartenders prepare his usual drink order. These consist of a shot and brew times two. Which of course is comped. While we the customer have to pay the bloated San Francisco prices. But that is not even the worst part. The worst is that someone actually pays that asshole to just sit there and drink and play music. I mean I have been to parties where Djs actually mix beats and create different mixes of songs that sound nice. I just don’t understand why anyone would pay a DJ money to do things that a fucking IPOD could do.

I asked one of the bartenders if the DJ actually mixes and she said yes, but I don’t think she really knew what I was talking about, which is okay. Her job is to make drinks, wear skirts that you can see her panties and flirt. I mean I just think it is pretty stupid to pay someone to sit there and click play on a computer screen. The fact too, that the same person gets like free drinks on top of that, makes me filled with rage.

Now before you say:

“Listen fool, there is more to DJING, then just hitting the play button. DJS do things an IPOD can never do”

 Firstly, fuck off. Secondly, I am not ragging on honest DJS who actually mix and make music and try, but what makes me mad is having a group of people who claim they are DJS and all they do is play an IPOD mix. I just get mad at their stupidity, and the stupidity of people who employ them.

If  you go to your ITUNES and you go to the options drop down menu, click on preferences. Here there is a button that says time between songs. If click on “0” seconds then it sounds like a “DJ” mixing. The first song will play as the second song starts, it gives a club mix feel to it. See for half the price, I could do the same thing as the so called DJ could.