I have noticed that in my writings as of late, that their seems to be a theme of anger and dark subjects. I think it is due to the fact that I am dieting and I am also getting older. I am having a zero tolerance these days for people’s bullshit. I would say between the months of July and October or about two weeks before I started my writings again, I was in a state of perpetual blah. I was blah because I have nothing really going for myself. I was just going day by day going from library or coffee shop in order to use the net and then just bullshit about whatever it was that I was looking for. I was pretty much asleep while I was awake.
On Friday September 16th two things occurred. The first being that Star Wars was released on blu ray but more importantly a friend of mine arrived to San Francisco. This was a friend from my old school days. The days when I would party like there was no tomorrow. The days when all we did was drink, laugh, try and get laid and not have a fucking care in the whole world. Essentially my favorite time in my life. She was only here for one week, but boy oh boy did she did do a number on me.
We are friends. We are platonic friends, all though given a little more time I think we could have made something together. I am going to use this blog to write about how much I want her and how much I seriously pine for her*. I think I just want to acknowledge the fact that she made me happy. She made me happy from the inside out and for this I am grateful. She made me feel alive and I never even messed around with her.
I think it was good what she did. That entire week, with the exception of 1 day, we spent all day and most of the evening together. We visited all the major landmarks in San Francisco. We walked, and walked, and walked and walked and walked some more all week. I must have lost 10 pounds from all that walking. It not only made me feel physically high but also emotionally high as well. I felt like I could do anything.
What also made her so much fun was that we had a history together. We hadn’t seen each other in close to 8 years yet we acted as if we had only been apart a week. There is only one other(female) person in this world where I can go without speaking with her for months or years and when we finally do speak it is as if nothing has happened. I guess what I am trying to say is that I could easily be myself.
There are very few ladies I know where I can truly be me and my friend who came to San Francisco is one of those people. I admit I have had a crush on her for a long time, but it was one of those crushes that never has led to any type of obsession and what not. I find that odd, but I think it also means that my feelings for her are much more genuine then some of the other girls that I have liked.
In 2004 when we first met, I was interested in her. I wanted to take her out and date. However my good friend at the time had a crush on another girl and asked my friend to help him get together with my friend’s friend. As things do in stories and movies, my friend fell in love with his matchmaker and they were a couple. I was a bit annoyed by this in 2004, but at around the time my friend told me they were dating, I had my eyes set on another one. I mean it did bother me when I would see them holding hands and whatever couple bullshit they would do, but it didn’t make me mad. I always thought it was because she didn’t mean much to me. I think that’s wrong, I think it was because I actually did like her much more then I realized and when you like someone a lot you prefer them to be happy whether this is with or without you.**
In 2005 my friend(the guy) and his girlfriend(my friend who was here in September) picked me up from the airport. I was happy about this, but my mind was obsessing about another girl whom I liked a lot and me and this crush were a good match. We liked to hang out and not pay, we liked to watch movies, we liked just about everything. M y friend was then off of my radar for a long while. I was in Seoul 2 times in 2005 spent a lot of time there. Saw my buddy and his girlfriend often but not too much. Went home and in 2006 I got into a long relationship.
In 2009, August of 2009 I broke up with my long term one. In September of 2009 met the mainland Chinese girl and yet I had always thought my friend. I mean we didn’t speak much. Although every year she would send me a birthday wish***. I would also send her a birthday wish as well. I would always try and time it to be at her midnight in her Korean standard time. Most of the time I was a bit off by a couple of hours. Sometime during my long and drawn out relationship to my ex, I had heard she had broken up with my buddy****. I tried to get what happened between them, from him but he never once told me. I asked her about this year while we were having a deep conversational moment and she kind of shrugged it off. Told me a little hint about it, but I think was something heavy. Not my business, so moving on. I thought about her now and then but I was distracted with my own life and she was over 8,000 miles away across an ocean, so realistically what the fuck could I do?
After spending the week with her and doing all sorts of activities, I feel I owe her a thanks. I want to thank her for waking me up from what ever emo type funk I was in. Sometimes it is nice when people from the past come back in your life. What I liked about her return was that we are both single of the same age and our personalities click very well. I mean if they hadn’t I don’t think we would have hung out as much. I mean it is not like she was all alone here in San Francisco. I mean she had a hostel full of people from Korea, Japan, China, Europe and just about everywhere else in the world to hang out with and make friends with. There must have been something more then just Julian from back in the day.
She made me feel the most happy I have felt in a long time. I am hoping that the fates will allow us to one day be together again and hopefully things will work out. I mean it would be a cool story to tell later on in life. I know it is a long shot and I am not an idiot. I know that I may meet someone else or she might but if it meant to be then the fates will work it out and if that happens I will be grateful. That was the bestweek in years.
*It is true that she was my first crush on a Korean girl, but back in 2004 I had super ADD in terms of who I liked and who I wanted to get laid with. Since getting older crushes, don’t last long either, but if I did have a crush they would last for a long time. There is a difference between having a crush and liking a person then thinking someone is sexy and just want to fuck them.
**This is a true statement I believe. I mean if you are in love with someone and I mean really in love with them and you two are about to break up because she wants someone else or peruse her own thing and you do love her, then you will let her go. If you love someone you want them to be happy, even if that means they are not with you and I think the reason why I wasn’t mad was because I liked her a lot and I wanted her to be happy and if she was happy with my friend then that makes it all the better.
***My buddy, my friend’s ex and I had the same birthday. Just four years apart. He is four years older and I always wondered if that is why she remembered. Also my friend, her ex and I have a mutual friend with the same birthday as us. Also my aunt has the same birthday me and also(this is a tough one to write out), but my step father’s adopted brother’s wife has the same birthday as myself. That makes five fucking people who share my birthday. Also there is a Cold Case Episode called “The Sleepover” occurred on my birthday and the only reason why they found out about the case was because a guy would visit the spot where a little girl died. He visited the spot every year on my birthday.
****Now, they had broken up back in 2007 I believe and I figure that four years is long enough time for him to get over her. Please don’t try and argue this “bros before hoes” bullshit. If you want to get down to it, I wanted her first.